That thing you said
by Lothiriel84
Summary: Red John's downfall had been the one condition for him to be finally honest – with himself as well as with others.
1. Part 1 Patrick Jane

_**Author's note:** Written for the Paint It Red August 2012 Monthly Challenge. Prompt: "Sine qua non."_

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**Part 1 - Patrick Jane  
**

He had fallen flat on his face – the pain in his chest hardly allowing him to breathe.

His enemy lay just a few inches out of his reach. Yet he was sure that the other man was no longer breathing.

Red John was dead.

This wasn't just the closure of a decade-long chase. Over the years his need for revenge had mingled with slightly different reasons.

The urge to protect the people he'd come to care about. The yearning to be free from the burden of his past.

Red John's downfall had been the one condition for him to be finally honest – with himself as well as with others.

"_That thing you said before you shot me – what did you mean?"_

There was no way he could have told her the truth at the time. There were things he had to do first.

(And yet he still recalled his half-confession to her right before barging into the room where Gupta had been hiding. Though his main purpose had been that of distracting the killer, his brain had found it easier to use the truth instead of coming out with some elaborate lie.)

A soft smile touched his lips at the thought of Lisbon. _His_ Lisbon.

He'd developed an unexpected fondness for her exactly five minutes after their first meeting. (That was probably the same moment when she decided she wanted to shoot him.)

It was hard to pinpoint the time when their friendship had turned into something deeper.

After Vegas he'd spent hours in her office – watching her over the rim of his teacup. Wondering how things could go between them if Red John was eventually out of their way.

(He'd used to say _when_ instead of _if_, but his latest failure had left him far less confident than he'd been before.)

In a way it had been about her all the time.

When he'd gone to that miserable excuse for a date with Kristina. When he'd kissed Erica of all women. Perhaps even when he'd slept with Lorelei – though that one had had a lot to do with his eagerness to get closer to Red John.

Deep inside himself he knew he'd just been testing whether he could ever be ready for finally moving on.

Well, none of these things actually mattered anymore. For he'd soon be joining his enemy in death.

He hoped she'd be willing to forgive him one last time.


	2. Part 2 Teresa Lisbon

**Part 2 - Teresa Lisbon**_  
_

That beeping sound was eventually going to drive her crazy.

She welcomed it nonetheless. It meant that he was still alive at the very least.

This wasn't the first time he'd been so close to death. He'd almost drowned a year ago – and she'd been the one to drag him out of the water and pray that he would resume breathing.

He'd just scared the living daylights out of her once again. Unsurprisingly so, if she had to be honest with herself.

She wondered whether that had been his purpose all along. Killing Red John and destroying himself at the same time.

How silly of her to think that he could still care for people – even care for her, as his rash words had prompted her to hope of late.

Deep down in her heart she'd always wanted to give him the things he deserved most. Namely love and affection – exactly what he'd deliberately denied himself since the death of his wife and child.

Perhaps he was too damaged for that. (And now it might be too late to find out anyway.)

"_Good luck, Teresa. Love you."_

These words would haunt her until her own death – whether he'd actually meant what he'd said or not.

Silent tears began trickling down her cheeks. Maybe she was doomed to lose the people that really mattered to her – as had happened first with her mother and then with Sam Bosco.

Finally allowing grief to overcome her she buried her face on the immaculate sheets of his hospital bed and just cried herself to sleep.

The first morning light was filtering through the curtains when her eyes slowly fluttered open.

It took her a while to register the soft touch of fingers grazing against her cheek. Her heart skipped a beat when she did at last.

Their eyes met and Jane offered her a small but warm smile – his fingertips still running lightly all over her face.

She took his hand between hers and pressed her lips on it.

He was alive, and Red John no longer stood between them. He wasn't going to deny what he'd said when she would ask him again.

Perhaps she wouldn't even need to ask.


End file.
